The Pain With Names
by Follow-The-Firefly
Summary: Who knew coming up with a band name would be so hard? Rated T for some very unusual names. oneshot


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Nick and Norah.**

**Hallo! It's Mika-chan! And another oneshot by me! anyway, let the deadly tale begin!**

I'll admit I was the one who suggested getting a new band name, but I didn't plan on it taking this long.

I know I'm usually a fan of consistency and, as such, like to keep things the same. But when your band has a name like the Fuck Offs, you know things have to change.

In an act of desperation, I suggested that we talk about it at our next rehearsal, which just so happens to be at my house. I've brought Norah along so she can give some advice. It's good to have someone outside of the band for some feedback.

Unfortunately, though, Thom's decided to drag Scot along to the practice, which is a major pain in the ass. Scot is the one who came up with many of our ridiculously outlandish names in the past such as the White Shoes, Opium Skaters and Sex Me Deadly. With him there, the process is going to be a lot more painful than it needs to be.

"I swear to God, Thom, do you ever go anywhere without him?" I question as I de-amp my bass.

"Nope." Thom grins.

"Why am I not surprised?" I roll my eyes and continue packing my bass in its case.

"So any ideas for a band name?" Dev wonders as he heads up the stairs to my living room, where Norah is reading a magazine.

"Why does he leave after he asks a question?" I ask Thom, who's sorting out the cords.

"Hell if I know." He shrugs before traipsing up the stairs after him.

It takes me a minute to reorganize everything so it doesn't look like a tornado has swept through the basement before I make my way up to the living room. I find Thom and Scott sitting together on the couch, Norah relaxing in the recliner, and Dev sprawled out on the floor, where Thom undoubtedly pushed him off the couch to be with his angst-ridden lover.

"About time, Nicky." Thom says.

"Don't give me that." I scowl, sitting next to the recliner with Norah.

"So why do we need to change the name?" Dev demands.

"Because I would like to be in a band with a somewhat normal name, Dev." I reply.

"What, Narcotic Faeries wasn't normal?" Scot is being completely serious.

"Fuck no, Scot!" I exclaim.

"If you guys are asking for my opinion, which no one is," Norah speaks for the first time. "I'd say to stay away from fantasy."

"Fantasy's worked well with other bands." Thom points out.

"Yeah! There's…" Scot tries to think of something.

"Give it up." Dev says.

"Then what do you suggest, Norah?" I wonder.

"I dunno. You guys are into completely different things." Norah said. "If you liked the same thing, we could use that for a name."

"The three of us like Where's Fluffy?." Thom says.

"But that's already taken, Thom." Dev says.

"Dev and Scot like to play billiards." I reply.

"But Scot's not in the band." Norah reminds me.

"Oh, yeah." I frown.

"Nick was dumped by Tris." Scot supplies.

"Not bringing that up!" I shout.

"Got it!" Thom yells.

"What now?" Dev and I groan.

"We're all in a band." Thom grins like this is the most brilliant thing he's come up with.

"No shit?" Norah rolls her eyes.

"What?!" Thom looks offended. "It's true!"

"Yeah, but most people in a band are in a band." Scot points out.

"What about The Spanish Inquisition?" Dev suggests.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of." Thom wraps his arm around Scot's waist.

"Who would go see a band with a name as a historical reference?" I question.

"Well, there's Jethro Tull. And Iron Maiden." Norah points out.

"Good point." I say. "But do you think people would want to see a band with a name like the Bolsheviks?"

"Um…no?" Scot, Thom and Dev say together.

"I'm not being serious about the Bolsheviks being the name." I explain. "Just for clarity's sake."

"Oh, we know." Scot nods.

"Norah?" Dev flips over on his back so he can face her. "Any ideas?"

"I'm partial to Hell's Inferno." Norah says.

"Pretty metal-esque." I say.

"For a queercore band?" Thom raises his eyebrows. "I think not."

"Then what do you think, Thom?" Norah finally closes her magazine, which she has been reading this entire time. "I don't think I've heard anything from you."

"That's because no one likes my ideas." Thom says.

"Well, fire one off and we'll tell you if we like it or not." Dev says.

"Pink Dancing Ponies." Thom rambles off.

"You aren't even trying." I exclaim.

"Then Chaos And Torture?" Thom suggests.

"Yeah, like those aren't two completely different names." Norah rolls her eyes.

"I rest my case." Thom rests his head on Scot's shoulder.

"How hard can it be to come up with a band name?" Dev sighs. "Nick, why can't we just keep the Fuck Offs?"

"Because it sounds stupid." I say.

"Come on, Nicky." Thom whines. "We need some flair in our lives."

"Says the one who couldn't think of a decent name." I shoot back.

"That has nothing to do with it." For one reason or another, Thom is getting offended by my remark.

"I like the colour idea in the name, though." Norah says. "Like Green Day, Blue October, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus…"

"Yellow Chaos And Torture?" Thom frowns.

"No, that's dead, honey." Scot says.

"Purple Turtles Of Paradise." Dev suggests.

"Um…no." I say.

"What?" Dev is obviously surprised by my statement. "Why not?"

"Who the hell's ever heard of a purple turtle?" I raise my eyebrow.

"It's better than the Pink Dancing Ponies." Dev shoots a glare at Thom.

"Sure, blame me, why don't you?" Thom's words drip with sarcasm.

"What the hell kind of a name is that?!" Dev exclaims.

"How about…Green Shores Of Moscow?" Scot offers.

"Nope." Norah and I say together.

"Moscow isn't a port city, is it?" Norah questions. "So how can it have a shore if it isn't a port city?"

"Man-made shores." Scot says.

"You're thinking of man-made lakes." I tell him.

"Are we seriously not coming up with a name?" Dev asks.

"We are changing this name whether we like it or not." I say fiercely.

"Don't get so personal, Nick." Norah says.

"I'm not getting personal, Norah." I inform her.

"I still fail to see what is wrong with the Fuck Offs." Thom shrugs.

"It just doesn't sound like a good band name." I say.

"The Opium Wars!"

"What did we say about historical references?"

"Oh, right."

"How about the Finnish Portuguese?" Scot suggests.

It appears that Scot is keeping up with his tradition of suggesting ridiculous names that aren't used for a reason. Like the SS: there's a reason why there are no bands with that name.

"And that makes sense…how?" Norah wonders.

"I dunno." Scot shrugs.

"You're an idiot, Scot." Thom says.

"Yep yep!" Scot grins.

"The Reign of Terror!" Dev shouts.

"For the last time, Dev, no historical references!" I yell in his ear, causing him to back into Scot and Thom's feet.

"Geez, no need to yell, Nick." Dev shoots me a glare.

"What about plants?" Thom questions.

"What did you have in mind?" Norah asks.

"Belladonna." Thom replies.

"What's Belladonna?" Dev isn't known for his skills in agriculture, much like the rest of us. So it's surprising to me how Thom can spit out the Latin name for a plant when the rest of us couldn't.

"Deadly nightshade." I tell him.

"That's not half bad, Thom." Norah says.

"Told you I could think of a good one." Thom grins at Scot.

"Staying with the plant thing, what about Hemlock?" I ask.

"Why do you boys know so much about plants?" Norah wonders.

"I have no idea where Thom is spouting off his nonsense, but I remember talking about hemlock in school." I reply.

"It's not nonsense." Thom scowls.

"Oh, shut up." Dev says.

"Iron Skillets!" Scot shouts randomly.

"What the hell?" Dev and Norah question.

"Where the fuck did that come from, Scot?" I wonder.

"No idea." Scot shrugs.

"So Belladonna is a possibility…" Norah says. "What about Crimson Scorpion?"

"Sounds like we should be in a metal band from the seventies." Thom says.

"Orange Chimpanzees?" Dev offers.

"No." I say.

"Come on!" Dev protests. "I'm the front man, so I should get a say in this."

"Who made you front man, Dev?" Thom is obviously peeved by Dev's statement.

"I'm the singer." Dev says needlessly. "And the front man is always the singer."

"Pete Wentz is the front man for Fall Out Boy and he's the bassist." Norah points out.

"So you want Nick to be the front man?" Scot frowns.

"Oh, hell no." I protest. "There's no way I'm going to be in charge of you guys."

"This is getting ridiculous." Thom sighs. "Why can't we just keep the fucking name?"

"Because Nicky thinks it's stupid." Scot says.

"It is kind of odd." Norah agrees.

"I thought you liked it?" I frown.

"I do, but it could always be better." Norah explains.

"That's it!" Dev is suddenly on his feet.

"What is?" Scot and Norah question.

"The band is going to be the Fuck Offs and that's that." And with that, Dev walks out of the house, into his car and heads off down the street.

"How the fuck are we supposed to get a ride home now?" Scot questions.

I'm not really thinking of how Scot and Thom are going to be getting home. I'm thinking that I was stupid for thinking that we would actually change the name of our band. It looks like we'll be known as the Fuck Offs for the rest of eternity.

**Is it obvious that I go by the book more than the movie? I'm planning on writing another oneshot about Thom's maniacal driving. ^_^ reviews equal love! thanks for reading!**


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